dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
