i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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