he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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