the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
