New invention idea: vibrating tampons
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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