you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize