You can't motorboat a personality
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You were trust falling into bushes
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
