I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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