like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
