Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
