The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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