put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
