there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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