You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
