I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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