Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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