I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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