He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
