I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
