batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
