I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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