whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
