Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
