i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
