I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize