At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
