I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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