I could make wine with my vomit
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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