Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
