is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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