Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize