Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
