She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize