i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize