What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
