Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
