If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
