Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
