dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
