pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
