Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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