Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
