I'm jealous of your bromance
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
