I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
