If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
