I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Congratulations! We have a period
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
