cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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