Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating

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(443): View more from Maryland

I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.

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(805): View more from California

Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.

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(740): View more from Ohio

he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.

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(714): View more from California

I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister

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(773): View more from Illinois

Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.

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(280): View more from

So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard

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(734): View more from Michigan

i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation

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