Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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