I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
