I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
