NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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