I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
