R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I feel like abortions should bother me more
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She needs sedatives and a leash
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize