This girl is more easily done than said...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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