i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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