I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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