you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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