wrigley field is MILF paradise
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
