Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
