i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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