Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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