I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
