Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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