no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
