now i know why i became what i already was.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
