literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
