I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize