ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
