what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
