All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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