I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize