i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sorry about my life...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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