I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
