youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
