I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize