Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
