You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
