I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
