You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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