Your mouth is God's brothel.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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