Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This baby is an asshole
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
