I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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