how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
