Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize