Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize