I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
