actually, I'm a sock model
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
